hook

pearly whites & oval opiates

disintegrate like self-esteem

when your hair falls out

& you're naked in your dreams

screaming, tell me why this happened

tell me what this means. . .

you're never going to know

between the x's & the o's

what's real

& what's for show

you're never going to know

the leaches from the sponges

until you're anemic

or you're broke

until someone says, you're breaking up

& blows into the phone

yeah, then you'll know

but you won't want to

so, you'll just pretend you don't

& go,

go for broke. . .

you chew on bubble gum

you walk down the street

you wonder why

the people you meet

always back away

far away. . .

perhaps, they're trying to say

it's sour & it'll burst

it's sour & it'll break

it's sour & it'll blow

ALL OVER YOUR FACE

because that girl is no good

that girl should be replaced

line & sinker

hook & you're the bait

not quite the catch

she led you to believe. . .

blow up doll

the world is coming to an end

methamphetamine meteors

this physical need again

& then you grip me on the balcony

but you're not trying to save me, no

you break my back, neck,

deplete my spine &

curl my toes,

then, drop me a line

i meant to call earlier

i didn't remember

oh, 'cause i forgot

my little forget-me-not

shredded,

then, pulled apart

like metal, all twisted in a crash

it takes everything in me not to laugh

at these floating passports

misplaced boats, smuggling docks

labeled treasures, i suppose they sunk

inside, outside

in your trunk

what you've got in your trunk

all it is, is baggage baby,

& you've got a lot

of chastity belts & lubricants the same

dark, conflicted, slippery games

with plastic figures that march one by one

but passing go isn't fun

if you don't collect that tiny sum

of money, people kill each other for

that girl is a shameless whore

who fed you right

fucked you

tucked you in at night

if you can't see it

don't believe it

unless the boogeyman is true

BOO

you know i know you from my dreams

the kind that knock me on the floor

i wake up twitching with itching eyes

i've heard those screams

once or twice before

yes, i recognize

these bleeding buttons & piss wet seams

are two means for a bloody mess

they keep me together: intact & inside

the lines of my temporary chalk outline

at the very bottom of your building

i'm asking, can you hear me?

are you listening?

wonderland

Loose screws, verbal abuse: a lifetime of madness. Triple excess, perpetual consequence. The cold capless hatter without a head and the wicked witch strolling hand in hand. I'm unnerved by all those downright mean and nasty things they said. Pillaging and burning, ultimately destroying everything in my waking sight. Abandoning the wreckages with their crawling skin intertwined. Skipping yes, laughing at the rubble left behind. I looked to the left then, I looked to the right trying to find anything I could salvage, I wasn't looking for a fight. I saw these shadowy figures lurking behind me, dissecting my shape, rather inspecting my form. Their bleached red eyes, sociopathic cries, painted a sign - beware, be warned. Hallucinogens, it seemed infected the air. A table appeared, next were some chairs. On top sat a tea pot with three porcelain cups etched with mold, tarnished with rust. This must be a nightmare, surely it is, oh, it absolutely must. Brittle bones, broken clocks: its time to go to hell. Sick rabbits, decaying flesh (tick tock, tick tock). They drew closer, slowly, they came near. In a matter of minutes, a napkin was placed on my lap, they were here! I asked them to leave, I pleaded with them to go. Her warted lips pursed to whisper, "I don't think so". The head in the hatter's hand screamed, "I'm staying put and put I'll stay, have you seen my body? I thought it went that way," his fingers gave his noggin a scratch, "you know dear if I could look down, I wouldn't have to ask." Before I knew it they were clasped in each others' arms, dancing in circles 'round my chair. In unison they sang, "you're late, you're late, this hardly seems fair!" I was nervous, I was scared. The face, that skull coated with sunken alabaster skin sensed it, assuring me this is where the fun would begin. I looked away defiant, refusing to play. His body pointed to a bunny, "he was alive today! Just like you, the same attitude. Don't be shy, don't be rude. If you hurt me, I promise I'll hurt you. I don't want to, I don't want to, don't make me do those things I don't want to do, you'll drink tea with me dear, won't you?" I drank the tea, what else could I do? The woman from the west changed colors when she saw my shoe, "who wears red? I ought to show you right from wrong. My pointed hat is large, black and long. If we don't match, we won't get along." I was at a loss for words her intolerance was so absurd. She grabbed her broom and clucked me on the head spitting, "it may hurt now, but next time you're dead!" My hands were shaking, I almost dropped my cup but I wanted to live so I drank every last drop. The strangest thing happened, it felt like my heart stopped. The last thing I remembered before the sky dropped was a man bagging up the stars to ransom a sale, his teeth were yellow, and his breath was stale.

i think you've reached your peak

if you want a real shot at happiness you must work now.

cry about it later.

wait until you have the means to start indulging yourself

wait until you have the resources to prove the world wrong

feel inadequate now.

feel worthy later.

& sometimes you're going to say well it can't get any worse,

& you'll go to work and hear the dishwasher say,

believe me these will be your best days...

uh oh

oh no

nobody loves you

nobody hates you

you are especially vanilla

& bland

replaceable, forgettable, disposable

& very, very, very dim

but you'll shine one day,

if you make it through these days.

& maybe you can focus on your personality instead

forget it

hide away

till you have something to offer

wouldn't want to be too late

wouldn't want your time to come

& nobody left to witness it

care about it

envy it

regret it

& love you

like they couldn't before

like you constantly try

& repeatedly fail

to do so now.

maybe that's the problem, you know it is

but you can't dwell on that

because you've tried to change it but you can't

stop trying to fight it

it only makes you feel worse,

if that's even possible.

being dependent on shit that doesn't matter

but maybe you know better

people may lie and say it doesn't

they don't dare acknowledge the power

of our ever shallow existence

there's a chance for you yet, kid

how does everyone else make it look so easy?

that's what you need

fake it

never make it

but look good tryin'

it's all about appearances

that can't be true

but you know it is

string-a-long

mister, i must say you're sinister

how can you act this way?

you see, i don't trust you

every time you ask to stay

i move a little closer

& you run away

i stand in the dark

i stand alone

when i can finally see

you throw me a bone

& i follow...

you're the puppeteer master

danglin' me by the strings

yes, you move me to the left

lift me to the right

cut me out

& downplay my role in your life

who or what will be the knife

to save me from your indecision?

no, you don't listen

i trust you as much as i trust myself

to be okay with elephants in the room

the same as hoping, nearly knowing

the buried feelings

someone else's thrusts could exhume

but i'm not here to hurt you

i said i'm not here to hurt you

no, i won't

i will not hurt you

because i know what it feels like now

every time you come around

not knowing when you'll go

only that you will

my body is still

because nothing moves me now

i say it won't but it will

back to you

are we there yet?

are we there yet?

absolute disconnect

as you reply,

darlin' we're going nowhere

we're not together

only tangled in a knot

it will undo

i promise you

it's not that i'm not ready

i don't want to be with you

i'll take what i can get

until someone claims you

writes you off

& taints you

have you had enough?

not yet

not yet

absolute disconnect

darlin' i must say

you're only temporary

& so damn easy to give away