wonderland

Loose screws, verbal abuse: a lifetime of madness. Triple excess, perpetual consequence. The cold capless hatter without a head and the wicked witch strolling hand in hand. I'm unnerved by all those downright mean and nasty things they said. Pillaging and burning, ultimately destroying everything in my waking sight. Abandoning the wreckages with their crawling skin intertwined. Skipping yes, laughing at the rubble left behind. I looked to the left then, I looked to the right trying to find anything I could salvage, I wasn't looking for a fight. I saw these shadowy figures lurking behind me, dissecting my shape, rather inspecting my form. Their bleached red eyes, sociopathic cries, painted a sign - beware, be warned. Hallucinogens, it seemed infected the air. A table appeared, next were some chairs. On top sat a tea pot with three porcelain cups etched with mold, tarnished with rust. This must be a nightmare, surely it is, oh, it absolutely must. Brittle bones, broken clocks: its time to go to hell. Sick rabbits, decaying flesh (tick tock, tick tock). They drew closer, slowly, they came near. In a matter of minutes, a napkin was placed on my lap, they were here! I asked them to leave, I pleaded with them to go. Her warted lips pursed to whisper, "I don't think so". The head in the hatter's hand screamed, "I'm staying put and put I'll stay, have you seen my body? I thought it went that way," his fingers gave his noggin a scratch, "you know dear if I could look down, I wouldn't have to ask." Before I knew it they were clasped in each others' arms, dancing in circles 'round my chair. In unison they sang, "you're late, you're late, this hardly seems fair!" I was nervous, I was scared. The face, that skull coated with sunken alabaster skin sensed it, assuring me this is where the fun would begin. I looked away defiant, refusing to play. His body pointed to a bunny, "he was alive today! Just like you, the same attitude. Don't be shy, don't be rude. If you hurt me, I promise I'll hurt you. I don't want to, I don't want to, don't make me do those things I don't want to do, you'll drink tea with me dear, won't you?" I drank the tea, what else could I do? The woman from the west changed colors when she saw my shoe, "who wears red? I ought to show you right from wrong. My pointed hat is large, black and long. If we don't match, we won't get along." I was at a loss for words her intolerance was so absurd. She grabbed her broom and clucked me on the head spitting, "it may hurt now, but next time you're dead!" My hands were shaking, I almost dropped my cup but I wanted to live so I drank every last drop. The strangest thing happened, it felt like my heart stopped. The last thing I remembered before the sky dropped was a man bagging up the stars to ransom a sale, his teeth were yellow, and his breath was stale.

i think you've reached your peak

if you want a real shot at happiness you must work now.

cry about it later.

wait until you have the means to start indulging yourself

wait until you have the resources to prove the world wrong

feel inadequate now.

feel worthy later.

& sometimes you're going to say well it can't get any worse,

& you'll go to work and hear the dishwasher say,

believe me these will be your best days...

uh oh

oh no

nobody loves you

nobody hates you

you are especially vanilla

& bland

replaceable, forgettable, disposable

& very, very, very dim

but you'll shine one day,

if you make it through these days.

& maybe you can focus on your personality instead

forget it

hide away

till you have something to offer

wouldn't want to be too late

wouldn't want your time to come

& nobody left to witness it

care about it

envy it

regret it

& love you

like they couldn't before

like you constantly try

& repeatedly fail

to do so now.

maybe that's the problem, you know it is

but you can't dwell on that

because you've tried to change it but you can't

stop trying to fight it

it only makes you feel worse,

if that's even possible.

being dependent on shit that doesn't matter

but maybe you know better

people may lie and say it doesn't

they don't dare acknowledge the power

of our ever shallow existence

there's a chance for you yet, kid

how does everyone else make it look so easy?

that's what you need

fake it

never make it

but look good tryin'

it's all about appearances

that can't be true

but you know it is