this seems familiar/i'm going to shut you all out

I'm not sure how I feel about you, me, us or them. I've had some tough times, rough ends. I've been the bottom of the barrel with loose ends I can't mend. I won't settle again for half-hearted love or fair weathered friends. I said I'd be there for you. Forget cost, time and convenience. I talked about my Mother with brutal honesty, shared secrets to the depths of my soul, close to me. I stated what scared me, amongst dying and lonliness. I listened to your fears, those skeletons in your closests without passing judgements. I always found strength where you found cowards crying, told you it's better to feel pain than to keep lying about what causes you happiness. That's all I wanted for you, what I've wished to achieve within me, to one day create all around me. Looks like I've been sinking, falling down, drowning oh, let's just say suffocating. I forgot how to share my own weight, it's been disproportioned. I'll carry yours, I'll listen. I've been burying, in hopes of hiding, what troubles me. Somehow, its been resurrected, exhumed. I can't be the only one who empathises with you, let alone anyone at all. I have continued to fall without notice due to this, due to that accomplishment. Where do I stand? Maybe, I'm just another make-shift role model on a good day. Maybe, I'm just another make-shift role model on paper. It shouldn't matter, might as well forget the gravity, severity and sovereignty of loss. This is just another piece I can't finish or keep going like friendships and relationships in whatever context you like. I used to have will, a reason to fight but her heart stopped yeah, he stopped picking up. I suppose it comes back to me, the double-edge scrunity of trying to be better. In the end, in-between, I only, I always lose. If I gave you an ultimatum, what would you choose? I suppose it's better that we both go without. It may save you some heartache, grief and misunderstanding. I seldom provide anything whole or complete, these never-ending complexities when put simply is my own irrationality; in hopes of finding, in being worthy of acceptance and love (yours as well as mine). I lost it some time ago. I don't know where it went. I don't know a lot of things... The peace of mind sanity/normality brings...