7/29/10

absolute

stripped birch trees still standing
autumns laughing but i won't be
when they're peeled away of their
body, used carelessly
no one wants to be in the hands of someone else
unless they trust them but those are fools
inevitably so am i
maple trees offer sap like bed time stories
fed into our laps when we would question why
all of the time
finding out nothing more than to be quiet
the best lesson in the world i'm sure
come day break, dawn falls short
of our expectations & fairy tale endings
you work to get by
until the people you say goodbye to disappear
another year
another dollar
you could take a trip
to be someone else
besides yourself
asking why
scenery changes but you're still the same
mom used to say there was promise
& dad used to say there was another day
she broke hers
he didn't find his own
clouds are infinite sparking our imagination
we depict faces, shapes while we laugh
laying on the grass until someone doesn't agree
revoked our right of individuality
when someone shows us their own
bought & grown
from the highest billboards
selling the cheapest shit
i can't afford
thank the good Lord for loans
if he ever gave you some credit
at least there's debit
to show you your value in numbers
like over draft
we depict faces, shapes while we laugh
the temperature is warm
i want absolute zero
nothing to count
no room to grow
to feel any less
no one wants to be in the hands of someone else

7/25/10

hopeful street art

you oughta know
the sensation of brutality
to have some edge
how to bring your soul to life
after it's dead
find freedom in a penitentiary
seek kindness from a stranger
know your limits
withhold your anger
find love not gimmicks
& fear no danger
you oughta believe
that you're unstoppable
to get somewhere
how to be a catalyst
when you prefer to be staid
find forgiveness in an enemy
seek comfort from the unknown
know your triggers
withstand your choices
find value not figures
& hear all voices
you oughta accept
that luck ain't always on your side
it may never be
how to focus your energy
when it's lacking
find power when you're not in control
seek faith when you're not too sure
know your rights
without feeling jipped
find solutions not fights
& always be equipped
to start all over
again
& again

7/24/10

old news

recycled pieces of what's left
numbered stages of grief
when the novelty wears off
i'm more alone than i've ever been
i can't feed myself
my credit is shaken
as the power goes out
accepting loss
while going without
isn't front page news
neither are
obituaries & monasteries
the reality of my life
suffering in silence
barely touching the surface
with whimpers & forceful laughs
borderline relapse
if i could
if i could i would
this isn't your life
so you don't deserve this
monologue of despair
you don't owe me anything
i can't expect you to understand
i won't beg & plead
scream in tears
i have none of what i need
to live & recover
the loss of a friend
a mother
my family & my dreams
this roof is temporary
i can't pay the lease of life
as i hand out what's left
to this bed
the thought of rest is nice
though not in reach. . .
let me be
obsolete in eternity
instead of hell
i'm not well
i'm not well
i'm not well

7/19/10

no one is too small


i'm going to be okay because i can remember
i was created out of love
i was taught out of hope
& i know that people are inherently good
& i know that people are not their bodies
i retain faith in the universe unfolding as it should
i believe i have a purpose in this world
we are here to improve
we are here to change
we are here to create
we are here to let go
we are here to love
we are here to be someone all on our own
& one day i hope to embrace her again
& one day i hope to hear him sing to me again
but i will embrace my children & sing to them
i will teach them everything i was taught
& show them that love exists beyond death
as mine will never waiver
it won't falter
it's true because i continue
i know that's what they want me to do
i'll let them know that's what i want them to do
i'll be waiting because i know i'm waited for
i will live my life graciously
i will live my life unapologetically
so they can too
& people will follow suit
no one will die in vain

7/9/10

this comforter doesn't comfort me

i woke up at 4 in the afternoon
my eyes aren't closing
my body isn't resting
i fell asleep at 11 this morning
i tried to find you
instead of your ghost

if i asked him to, he'd spend the night
wide awake staring at the ceiling, i won't let go
of someone else
desperate to find some familiarity in the past
lovers & friends
who left & found their way back

only to leave again

i'm leaving too, except
i don't want to but i can't stay
restless, sleepless
& colourless in my dreams
that are taunting me, threatening

i'm nothing more than a ransom note
scribbled away as a promise of good things to come
a write-off to her happiness
i wonder if it's worth the struggle of negotiation
to find it doesn't exist
or create mine

plain & simple, the sun lost its heat in this heat wave
i can't feel a thing
sunstroke, silence, satire
3 things life after you brings
there's no exchange policy,
refunded denial of our mortality

let that be a lesson in longing
lessen the loss
what passes, came
you get what you give
take my faith, have my hope
both have seen better days
& make a mockery of yourself
i'd rather be a fool
than fool a soul by saying we have one