recycled pieces of what's left
numbered stages of grief
when the novelty wears off
i'm more alone than i've ever been
i can't feed myself
my credit is shaken
as the power goes out
accepting loss
while going without
isn't front page news
neither are
obituaries & monasteries
the reality of my life
suffering in silence
barely touching the surface
with whimpers & forceful laughs
borderline relapse
if i could
if i could i would
this isn't your life
so you don't deserve this
monologue of despair
you don't owe me anything
i can't expect you to understand
i won't beg & plead
scream in tears
i have none of what i need
to live & recover
the loss of a friend
a mother
my family & my dreams
this roof is temporary
i can't pay the lease of life
as i hand out what's left
to this bed
the thought of rest is nice
though not in reach. . .
let me be
obsolete in eternity
instead of hell
i'm not well
i'm not well
i'm not well
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